36. Back to ‘normal’.

Tonight it is 20 weeks since bambino was born. 20 weeks! Wow how time is flying by. And wow how my life has changed.

I now spend all my cash on Ted Baker baby clothes instead of Ted Baker dresses. I chat about weaning instead of my day in court. I drink more tea in cafes and less gin cocktails in bars. My diary is filled with baby groups instead of conferences and social events.

And whilst my life has changed rapidly so has bambino. He now has the most infectious giggle. Only yesterday I taught him to ‘high 5’. When he’s tired he winds my hair between his fingers.

Oh how my life has changed for the better.

But sadly my MS has not followed suit. It’s lagging behind, a bit slow on the uptake, missed the memo that said ‘only change for the better here please’ …

I’ve been back on my Copaxone injections for almost 3 months now and I have to say they are worse than ever.

The pain of the actual injection is terrible. It stings like hell and the day after is incredibly sore. The location I chose makes little difference. Thighs are especially excruciating and to be avoided. The ‘best’ and so my ‘favourite’ site is my post-pregnancy-still-wobbly-tummy which absorbs the pain. I’m sure it never used to be this bad.

When I very first started taking Copaxone in early 2012 I remember it being painful but that largely stopped a matter of weeks later. I would often get large red, often hot, often raised, and often itchy marks at the site – which you may remember I affectionately termed ‘monster bites’. These too have made a comeback.

In an attempt to improve the situation I’ve switched to doing the injection in the evening. I used to do it in the morning before I left for work, mainly to get it out of the way and to stop me anticipating it all day, but I’ve found that it doesn’t really work to do it whilst bambino is around. I don’t like him to see me doing it. I don’t know why as right now he wouldn’t really know what I was doing, but as he gets older this will undoubtedly become more of an issue. Especially as I currently spend 10 minutes afterwards hopping around in agony. (And having given birth on only gas and air I like to think I’m not a softie!)

My symptoms have also made a return.

The funny pins and needles heavy feeling I used to get in my legs, particularly my right, now comes and goes again as it did before. The tiredness – oh so heavy limbs like wading through treacle tiredness – also comes and goes. Most recently I have had sharp and achy nerve pain in my arms which seems to be worse when I am particularly tired. Days of feeling like my limbs might actually drop off followed by days of feeling completely ‘normal’.

On a more positive note, having said all that, I don’t think I have had what could clinically be termed a ‘relapse’ nor have I had the post pregnancy ‘dip’ which many women with MS experience. In other words it could be a lot worse!

And so whilst everything around it is changing my MS is pretty much back to ‘normal’. Well I say ‘normal’ – as anyone with MS will tell you when it comes to MS ‘normal’ is a very changeable thing indeed.

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