‘Hmm … frequency and urgency …’ my lovely MS nurse said knowingly when I told her about my latest problem.
She explained that it was probably down to my brain getting the signals all mixed up again.
I imagined it to be like one of those old fashioned telephone exchanges up there. You know, when telephone exchanges were manned by glamorous girls wearing pencil skirts and red lipstick, with headsets, who took incoming calls and directed them on to their destination by switching plugs with wires attached on a big board … except the glamorous-telephone-exchange-girls in my brain have been on the gin at lunchtime and keep sticking the plugs in the wrong holes.
And so my bladder seems to have shrunk to the size of a baked bean.
… about 10 minutes after I have pee’d I feel like I need to pee again. And so I go to pee again. Except when I try to pee again, I don’t really need to pee again and cannot pee again. Probably because the frequency with which I feel I need to pee does not match the frequency with which the human body is required to pee unless one has drunk a whole swimming pool.
Then sometimes, when I do actually need to pee, I go from needing to pee at an acceptable and infact normal level of urgency to incredibly urgent in a very short space of time. Indeed a space of time far shorter that is sometimes convenient given the demands of everyday life and a job which requires me not to move from the courtroom for long periods of time.
It seems that this is known as ‘frequency and urgency’ in the business.
It was suggested that after I have pee’d I hang around a little in the cubicle to give the now tipsy girls in the telephone exchange time to catch up. In other words stand up for about a minute before sitting down again and having another go …
‘Hello caller, how can I direct your call … Hic?’
‘Hello glamorous-telephone-exchange-girl, it’s the bladder calling, please can you redirect me to the brain?’
‘Why certainly bladder, re-directing you ….’
*Cue much to-do in the telephone exchange as the glamorous-telephone-exchange-girl fumbles around with the plug from the bladder, wishing that she’d had a sandwich in preference to that liquid lunch whilst I stand self consciously in the cubicle, willing the seconds to pass until eventually (about a minute later) the call is connected and the message gets through that I need to go again ….
It was also suggested to me that I may benefit from pelvic floor exercises – the mere mention of which instills a sense of unease into most women …
I had a rough idea what they involved but wasn’t sure. So I did what any girl would do in this situation and asked my mum ….. who gave me a detailed run down over afternoon tea.
And so now I am proficient in both pelvic floor exercises and killing 60 seconds in a toilet cubicle …
I just wish someone would give those telephone exchange girls a talking to … although it is arguably never too early for a G&T ….